Stability

“People are like tea bags. We don’t know our strength until we are in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt (from a card sent to me by Sue Rusk)

Needed to open that card today. I’ve been feeling down as the holidays are approaching. My progress is slow, which is to be expected. Ella has been struggling and it’s extremely difficult to be so far away from her. The therapist told us that we are at the point in treatment where the only way out is through.

Trauma work is no joke. It’s messy and hard. Things are said that are painful and sad. It’s so hard to not compare our lives to others, but some days I think about all of the things she is missing out on – like her freshman year in high school. I see all of the pictures of my friend’s kids going to dances, playing sports, being successful in school and it all makes me want to crawl under the covers. This is something I work on with my own therapist.

Today just feels like one thing too many. I know I am doing better. I have been going to physical therapy and acupuncture. The acupuncturist has worked with lots of clients who have Bells Palsy, so he feels confident he can help wake up my facial nerve. Physical therapy has been mostly working on dizziness and balance. We can’t do too much there until my facial nerve starts firing again.

I have also been seeing an eye doctor for the eye on my surgical side. I’m not really blinking fully, so there’s the risk that my eye can dry out. Lots of drops, warm compresses, ointment at night and now he wants me to get glasses with built in goggles for when I’m working on the computer or going outside. Apparently they create a more humid environment. Oy.

I’ve been trying to get out in public more and see people despite my sagging face. We will leave next Wednesday to drive to NC. We aren’t really sure yet what this visit will look like, so we are excited but anxious at the same time. Hopefully things will be looking better after we see her.